Pain, before healing begins, causes a ton of grief. It is a strong, inevitable emotion and if left unidentified, thought and felt, it will control how we act, react, and think. Pain clouds our thoughts and decisions and is also triggered by something we previously haven’t dealt with. Pain can also be heavily masked by trauma, anger, manipulation or people pleasing.
You can’t go through life allowing pain to dictate how you behave. – Adam Braverman
There are two types of pain we each deal with; physical pain and emotional pain. Physical pain heals; is wounds to our flesh. Emotional pain are wounds to our heart and mind and needs the most attention. Emotional pain needs to be felt and thought, faced no matter the size it has become. Responding or reacting to the pain is a choice we make, and yes, there is a difference. Before healing, we unconsciously react to pain, in hopes to stop it from hurting us. This looks different for everyone, as we are each our own person, and have our own ways and habits. These ways and habits can be changed if they are toxic for us, the situations, our healing and the work we need to do. We can change, we can form new ways of thinking and we can set boundaries that help us identify what we will allow to hurt us, emotionally.
Sounds a bit like jargon; doesn’t it?
***Please note: this isn’t a self help blog. I am only sharing what I have learned through my own research, my steps towards healing and doing my own therapy from using self help books.***
Responding VS Reacting
- Responding to pain gives our emotions time and space to breathe. It allows us to keep control of ourselves without hurting others.
- Reacting to pain is impulsive and not thought out. We give the control of ourselves away to whatever or whomever is causing the pain.
Pain happens every day whether we want it to or not. Someone we love dies, is diagnosed with cancer, job loss, divorce, abuse or even unresolved childhood trauma can bleed onto our adult lives. From small to big, we have to be desensitized by what we feel and how we will allow our emotions to affect us. Wherever we are on our journey to dealing with emotional pain, acknowledge it, feel it, and think it; then move on.
Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings. -Melody Beattie
A Glimpse
Emotional pain in my life had been residual. I was a chaotic mess, creating chaotic disasters. It wasn’t till I was in my late 20s that I realized that I was part of the messes I helped create. It was then that I realized that I needed to do some inward identification for the pain I caused to other people; the people I proclaimed to love. The identification process was the messiest, hardest, vulnerable process I had ever went through, but it was worth it to sit here and write to you today and tell you that there is a way out from the pain. There is hope, be open to the process. My pain stemmed from my unresolved childhood trauma that I didn’t realize had an impact on me as an adult. I found self help books to help me identify the pain, unlock the chains they had on me, place them in my life and move on. It wasn’t easy, but transforming my thoughts and my responses, gave me power over my emotions. I was able to think and feel, and really identify how people talk to me and understand their own pain wasn’t based on me, but their inability to Identify the pain in their life. That’s what gave me freedom, and that’s what gives me freedom today.
Healing-Advice 